It’s the glue that holds our most important relationships together—or the thing that can tear them apart. And in a world where loyalty sometimes feels optional, I often wondered: is trust like a slow dance you don’t realize you’re learning until you’re swept up in it?
Turns out, true trust is created over time. Dr. Brené Brown calls it a “marble jar”—every small act of honesty, every tiny gesture of kindness, is another marble added to the jar, eventually, you’ve got something solid. But one betrayal? Those marbles can go tumbling fast.
Trust, then, is more than a feeling; it’s the small, everyday decision to be there, to be real, to show up.
Dr. John Gottman, relationship guru, calls these “turning towards” moments—small but powerful gestures that quietly say, “I see you, I’m here.” Trust isn’t about big, sweeping gestures. It’s about knowing someone’s subtle signs, being there on the hard days, or calling just to check in which creates something real and enduring.
But here’s the part no one wants to talk about: what happens when trust breaks, and you’re left with nothing but pieces?
Well, trust isn’t about avoiding mistakes. It’s about how you handle the fall. Psychologist Harriet Lerner, the unofficial queen of apologies, insists that rebuilding trust starts with a real apology—the kind that’s raw, with no “but” allowed. It’s uncomfortable, yes, but trust and growth are often uncomfortable.
I like to think of broken trust like a fractured bone, it’s painful, and in the moment can feel unbearable. But the body knows how to heal, especially when we give the fracture attention, rest, and care. When that fracture heals, it can actually be stronger than it was originally. Mending trust is like that. With honesty, patience, and time, the break can become a story - of the healing kind.
We’d all rather skip the mess and fast-forward to forgiveness. But without those hard conversations, we’re just papering over cracks, hoping they’ll hold. Yes, it’s awkward. Yes, it’s raw. But it’s also how we build something real.
And then there’s the trust we rarely talk about— the trust we have in ourselves. Trust is difficult if we don’t first trust our instincts and our own voice. Self-trust is about embracing all of who we are. It can be the hardest kind of trust to build. But, just like with others, it starts with small steps—backing yourself, forgiving yourself, and showing up for yourself, over and over again.
So, the next time you wonder if trust is worth the risk, remember: it’s built one small act at a time. And when things feel too broken, a little guidance never hurts. Professional help offers the clarity we sometimes need to put the pieces back together and start fresh. Because trust, like anything worthwhile—requires investment and the reward is always worth the effort.
Here’s to trust, the ultimate slow dance.
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