The Poly Way, Because the More the Merrier

Picture this, you’re sitting with a friend, sipping coffee (or a mimosa...no judgment), and talking about relationships. You’re chatting about the usual stuff—love, trust, commitment, who’s binge-watching what—when suddenly, they casually mention they’re dating multiple people. Cue the record scratch. “Wait, what?” you think. “Is that even allowed?” Welcome to polyamory, where “the one” can actually be… more than one. It’s like a rom-com with extra cast members and a few plot twists.

Polyamory might seem like an episode straight out of Sex and the City, except with fewer cocktail parties and more calendars syncing. So, what exactly is polyamory? Think of it as loving more than one person at a time—with everyone in the know. It’s an open-hearted, consensual approach to love that doesn’t follow the traditional one-and-done model.

While the word “polyamory” translates to “many loves,” it’s not just about quantity. Polyamory says, “Why limit yourself to one love story when you could have a chapter dedicated to each of your loves?”

Now, before you picture a chaotic, jealousy-ridden free-for-all, let me stop you there. Polyamory is all about ethical non-monogamy, which is just a fancy way of saying it’s done with honesty, openness, and respect. Everyone involved is on the same page (think “kitchen-table polyamory,” where partners might all know each other well enough to actually pass the salt). It’s like the ultimate group project, except people actually want to be there.

One of the biggest myths about polyamory? That it’s an excuse for commitment-phobia or avoiding the big “R” word: responsibility. But here’s the kicker—polyamorous folks might actually be more committed to working on themselves, handling all the feels (hello, jealousy), and talking it out constantly. Polyamory is not for the emotionally faint-hearted. Picture it as relationship bootcamp, where “communication skills” get upgraded to “ninja-level diplomacy.”

Research backs this up. Studies by psychologist Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, who has written extensively on polyamorous families, show that people in polyamorous relationships often develop exceptional communication skills. With multiple partners, there’s no shortage of emotions to work through—jealousy, insecurity, joy, and gratitude, to name a few. Sheff found that polyamorous individuals often build high levels of trust and adaptability as they navigate these complex dynamics. In fact, many people in poly relationships report increased self-awareness and emotional resilience because they’re encouraged to work through their feelings, not ignore them.

Polyamory, for many, offers a way to explore relationships that feels expansive, fostering connections that aren’t limited by traditional expectations. It’s about forming relationships that suit each person’s unique needs and embracing the growth that comes with it. Far from being a “free-for-all,” polyamory often demands a deep commitment to openness, honesty, and ongoing personal work.

And yes, it does come with its challenges. Jealousy can still show up, but polyamorous folks don’t let it sit in the background. They dive in, talk it out, and process their feelings together. They’re not just practicing self-awareness; they’re developing an emotional toolkit that can feel downright enviable.

If you’re curious about polyamory, the first step is to start with yourself. Ask if you’re up for the level of honesty, vulnerability, and Google Calendar wizardry it requires. Be open with your partners, communicate your needs, and don’t shy away from resources that can help—books, support groups, or even therapy. Polyamory can be incredibly fulfilling, but it’s definitely not about taking shortcuts.

At the end of the day, polyamory is a reminder that love doesn’t have to be confined to one script. Love can be as big and complex as we allow it to be, and every relationship—whether with one person or many—is an opportunity to grow, connect, and deepen our understanding of ourselves and others. When we’re open to exploring new paths, we may just find that love has room for more than we ever imagined.

Of course, navigating the complexities of polyamory doesn’t always come naturally—and that’s where professional support can make a difference. A therapist with experience in non-traditional relationships can offer valuable insights, practical tools, and a neutral space for you and your partners to explore and strengthen your relationships.

ENM - Love, Trust & Beyond

Most of us grew up on the “one true love” narrative: you meet someone, fall in love, settle down, and that’s that. It’s a beautiful, classic love story. But sometimes, the reality isn’t quite as simple as two people riding off into the sunset, never to look back. Love, it turns out, is a bit more flexible and creative than we might think. Enter Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)—a type of relationship that, while not quite the mainstream fairy tale, is finding its way into the lives (and hearts) of many people around the world.

But what is ethical non-monogamy, really? And how is it different from, say, the usual “it’s complicated” status on Facebook? Let’s dive in. Grab your coffee (or wine, no judgment here).

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) is, at its core, all about having relationships with multiple people, but in a way that’s transparent, consensual, and honest. Think of it as the opposite of “sneaking around” or “double lives.” Everyone involved knows what’s going on and agrees to the relationship dynamics from the start.

There’s a variety of ways ENM can look: open relationships, where a couple remains committed but allows each other the freedom to have romantic or sexual relationships with others; polyamory, where people have multiple romantic relationships at once, not just about physical connection but emotional intimacy too; and swinging, where committed partners engage in sexual activities with others, often in a social setting. Each style of ENM has its own guidelines and dynamics, but the one thing they all share?

Communication. Tons of it.

There’s no shortage of myths around ENM, so let’s clear a few things up. First, there’s the myth that ENM is just an excuse to cheat. The truth is, ENM is essentially the opposite of cheating. In fact, ENM relationships thrive on a level of honesty that’s pretty rare even in some traditional setups. Every conversation, agreement, and boundary is set up front, which is a far cry from deception.

Another myth is that people in ENM relationships just don’t want commitment. It turns out that many people practicing ENM are looking for connection and commitment—they just don’t define it with exclusivity. Some people find they can be their best selves and happiest partners when they have the freedom to explore different types of love, support, and companionship.

In fact, psychologist Deborah Anapol says that people in non-monogamous relationships often have higher levels of commitment to working through issues because they’ve practiced facing difficult emotions head-on from the start.

Then there's the misconception that ENM is basically the Wild West—anything goes! Not quite. Ethical non-monogamy is full of carefully designed boundaries that everyone involved agrees to and checks in on regularly. There are more rules here than you might think.

So why do people choose this path? For many, ENM isn’t a rejection of commitment—it’s a commitment to understanding love differently. Here’s a look at some of the benefits and challenges:

On the positive side, ENM allows for personal growth. It requires a lot of introspection. Jealousy, insecurity, attachment—all of these emotions come up. But people who navigate ENM tend to develop a strong sense of self-awareness and emotional resilience.

And then there’s the freedom and fulfillment aspect. People in ENM relationships often say that it allows them to fully express themselves without feeling confined by a single role. There’s a chance to explore different aspects of themselves with different people.

Of course, adapting to ENM isn’t without its challenges. Jealousy can still rear its ugly head, even in ENM. But in these relationships, jealousy isn’t ignored—it’s talked about openly and dealt with through communication.

According to Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, author of The Polyamorists Next Door, many people in polyamorous relationships actually reduce their jealousy over time as they work through it constructively.

Another hurdle is time management. Let’s be honest, balancing one relationship can be tricky enough. Now imagine coordinating schedules with multiple partners, everyone’s needs, and a social life. This isn’t for the faint-hearted.

And despite becoming more visible, ENM is still misunderstood by a lot of people, which can lead to judgment from family or friends who may not understand or support the relationship structure.

If you’re curious about trying ENM, the first step is to talk—openly and often. If you’re in a monogamous relationship and thinking of exploring ENM, you’ll need to have a candid and respectful conversation. Bring it up as something you’re exploring, not something you’re demanding. Set clear boundaries that work for everyone involved. This could mean deciding who you’re okay dating, what kind of intimacy is allowed, and how to handle unexpected feelings that might arise.

Be open to evolving, too. As people, we change, and relationships grow with us. Be ready to reevaluate and adjust your arrangements as life, needs, and feelings shift.

If the conversation becomes overwhelming or emotions run high, seeking professional help can provide a supportive space for you to explore your feelings and navigate the complexities of ENM. A therapist experienced in non-monogamous relationships can help facilitate those conversations.

Ethical non-monogamy may not be for everyone, but it’s a reminder that there’s more than one way to experience connection, trust, and intimacy.

Holding on Through the Night aka Life Transitions

Life doesn’t play nice with straight lines. One minute, you’re plodding along; the next, life’s got a plot twist in the works— it could be a new job, a move, a baby, or unexpected news. And when you’re in a relationship, every twist isn’t just yours; it’s a shared experience, whether you’re both ready for it or not. So, how do we hold on to each other when change feels like the only constant?

Turns out, handling these life shifts together takes more than just going with the flow (spoiler alert: “the flow” is usually more like a long, confusing night of trying to figure out -which way’s up?!). So how do we choose to ride the wave of change together, even when drifting apart feels like the easier option?

Well, there’s an old Russian fable featuring the Wild Witch of the East - Baba Yaga which I love. In the story, a couple wanders into an enchanted forest and encounters a powerful witch who, envious of their love, casts a spell on the woman, forcing her to change shape in unimaginable ways through the night. She goes through a series of transformations—sometimes beautiful, often frightening, and occasionally so bizarre that her love wonders if she'll ever return. The man has no idea, but he can break the curse if he manages to hold on to her through every transformation for three nights. Without knowing the outcome, he remains steadfast, staying present through each bewildering change, just to be with her, and alas - she returns holding all the versions she became within her as she regains her old shape.

Just like in the fable, life’s transitions can bring out sides of ourselves and our partners we never saw coming. At times, we may feel unrecognizable, even to ourselves. Or, we may see parts of our partner that make us think, “Who are you?” But just like in the fable, the test isn’t resisting change—it’s about holding on through each transformation and trusting that morning will come, and with it, a deeper understanding of each other and perhaps your own resilience, in holding on.

Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindsets shows that relationships benefit immensely from embracing change. Couples who face new challenges with curiosity and openness tend to have stronger, more enduring relationships. Dweck’s work suggests that relationships thrive when we see each other’s growth as part of the journey, rather than an interruption. Think of it like the scenic route but with fewer cute pit stops and more…existential u-turns.

While we might instinctively cling to the familiar, resilient relationships are the ones that bend, making room for both partners to grow and shift over time. Moments of transition then become chances to rediscover each other—to see who you are now and who you’re becoming.

Of course, adapting doesn’t mean losing yourself or nodding along to everything. It’s about creating a space where both of you can voice your needs and dreams, even if they don’t always align perfectly.

When change enters a relationship, it redefines who we are - not only by its impact but how we choose to handle it.

Life transitions don’t come with a roadmap—and maybe that’s part of the beauty. By embracing change, we rediscover quiet strengths within ourselves that deepen our connections.

And when you need a little extra support, that’s perfectly okay. Relationships are living things, evolving every day. Sometimes professional help can offer the insight to navigate the unfamiliar and prepare you for whatever’s next.

No matter what form we take by morning, we can trust that dawn always comes—and with it a resilience to know that we held on.