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Can a Relationship Survive Infidelity?

Sherine Badawy

Sherine Psychotherapy - how to survive infidelity?

Infidelity. It’s a word that lands heavy, like a stone dropped in still water, sending ripples through even the strongest relationships. It can feel like everything you’ve built has been undone in an instant. But while it’s easy to get lost in the pain, shame, or blame that often follows, infidelity doesn’t have to be the full stop in your story. In fact, it can be a turning point—if you choose it to be.

At its heart, infidelity is often about more than the act itself. It might whisper, “I feel unseen,” or “I’m running from something I don’t know how to face.” That doesn’t mean it’s excusable, but it does mean there’s something to explore. A breach of trust, painful as it is, can shine a light on things that have been left unsaid, unmet, or unresolved. And while the instinct might be to run from that light, there’s power in stepping toward it.

So where does infidelity begin? Often, it’s in the quiet spaces—moments of disconnection, unmet needs, or unspoken fears. Maybe it’s the weight of unhealed wounds from the past or the pull of validation from someone new. Whatever the cause, infidelity thrives in silence. The things we don’t talk about, the places we don’t feel safe to share—these are the cracks where trust can falter.


Research tells us that infidelity is more common than we might think. Dr. Shirley Glass, in her groundbreaking book Not "Just Friends", highlights that emotional affairs often start innocently, with boundaries gradually blurring. She notes that trust is eroded not only by the act itself but by the secrecy surrounding it.

And then there’s the quiet driver behind so much of this: our innate craving for novelty. Studies on human behavior show that we’re wired to seek newness. Novelty triggers the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and creating that thrilling “spark.” This drive for something fresh doesn’t vanish when we commit to someone—it’s part of being human. The challenge is finding ways to balance that craving for excitement within a relationship, rather than seeking it outside of one. In the book Why We Love, Dr. Helen Fisher explains how the early stages of romantic attraction flood the brain with dopamine, creating that euphoric, addictive feeling.


Speaking of dopamine, in the digital world infidelity isn’t always physical. It can take the form of emotional affairs, secret conversations, or even communicating with sex bots that feel just as intimate as face-to-face interactions. This creates blurred boundaries often leading to feelings of betrayal, even if no physical line has been crossed.


Sexual identity and preferences can also play a role. Esther Perel, in her acclaimed book The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, she suggests that infidelity is often less about sex and more about identity and unmet needs. “It’s not always a search for another person,” she writes. “It’s a search for another self.”


So how do we repair?


Whether you’re the one who’s been hurt or the one who broke the trust, healing starts with truth. Not the kind of truth that’s meant to punish, but the kind that says, “This is what I’m feeling. Can we talk about it?” John Gottman outlines a roadmap for repair that starts with taking responsibility (atonement), reconnecting through deep emotional understanding (attunement), and rebuilding intimacy and safety (attachment).


Talking about infidelity is messy. There’s no script for it, no easy way to say, “This happened, and it hurts.” But vulnerability—the willingness to show up raw, scared, and honest—is what can break the cycle of silence. Vulnerability is key here. Talking openly about what happened and why—without blame or defensiveness—creates space for understanding. This might sound like: “I felt disconnected, and instead of telling you, I sought comfort elsewhere,” or “This hurt me because I feel like I’m not enough.” These conversations aren’t easy, but they’re necessary for healing.

But sometimes, infidelity is a sign that it’s time to let go—to release what’s no longer serving either of you. Choosing to part ways isn’t a failure; it’s a decision to honor what’s true for you both, even if it means walking separate paths.


No matter the outcome, the real work begins with yourself. What do you need to heal, to feel whole, to move forward? What patterns or fears are calling for your attention? Infidelity may crack the foundation of a relationship, but it also creates space—space to rebuild, redefine, or rediscover who you are and what you want.


If you’re in the thick of it right now, know this: you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel lost, angry, or unsure. But you don’t have to navigate it by yourself. Reaching out for support—whether through a trusted friend, therapist, or community—can be the first step toward finding your way forward. Because no matter what’s happened, you deserve a relationship, and a life, built on honesty, connection, and respect.

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