Life doesn’t play nice with straight lines. One minute, you’re plodding along; the next, life’s got a plot twist in the works— it could be a new job, a move, a baby, or unexpected news. And when you’re in a relationship, every twist isn’t just yours; it’s a shared experience, whether you’re both ready for it or not. So, how do we hold on to each other when change feels like the only constant?
Turns out, handling these life shifts together takes more than just going with the flow (spoiler alert: “the flow” is usually more like a long, confusing night of trying to figure out -which way’s up?!). So how do we choose to ride the wave of change together, even when drifting apart feels like the easier option?
Well, there’s an old Russian fable featuring the Wild Witch of the East - Baba Yaga which I love. In the story, a couple wanders into an enchanted forest and encounters a powerful witch who, envious of their love, casts a spell on the woman, forcing her to change shape in unimaginable ways through the night. She goes through a series of transformations—sometimes beautiful, often frightening, and occasionally so bizarre that her love wonders if she'll ever return. The man has no idea, but he can break the curse if he manages to hold on to her through every transformation for three nights. Without knowing the outcome, he remains steadfast, staying present through each bewildering change, just to be with her, and alas - she returns holding all the versions she became within her as she regains her old shape.
Just like in the fable, life’s transitions can bring out sides of ourselves and our partners we never saw coming. At times, we may feel unrecognizable, even to ourselves. Or, we may see parts of our partner that make us think, “Who are you?” But just like in the fable, the test isn’t resisting change—it’s about holding on through each transformation and trusting that morning will come, and with it, a deeper understanding of each other and perhaps your own resilience, in holding on.
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindsets shows that relationships benefit immensely from embracing change. Couples who face new challenges with curiosity and openness tend to have stronger, more enduring relationships. Dweck’s work suggests that relationships thrive when we see each other’s growth as part of the journey, rather than an interruption. Think of it like the scenic route but with fewer cute pit stops and more…existential u-turns.
While we might instinctively cling to the familiar, resilient relationships are the ones that bend, making room for both partners to grow and shift over time. Moments of transition then become chances to rediscover each other—to see who you are now and who you’re becoming.
Of course, adapting doesn’t mean losing yourself or nodding along to everything. It’s about creating a space where both of you can voice your needs and dreams, even if they don’t always align perfectly.
When change enters a relationship, it redefines who we are - not only by its impact but how we choose to handle it.
Life transitions don’t come with a roadmap—and maybe that’s part of the beauty. By embracing change, we rediscover quiet strengths within ourselves that deepen our connections.
And when you need a little extra support, that’s perfectly okay. Relationships are living things, evolving every day. Sometimes professional help can offer the insight to navigate the unfamiliar and prepare you for whatever’s next.
No matter what form we take by morning, we can trust that dawn always comes—and with it a resilience to know that we held on.
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